My Weird Dream.

I dreamt!

as i once used to dream.....

when that shiny orb hung in the air,

and the wind clung to me,

the jasmine's lent a sweet fragrance to it!

I could be anywhere 

i wanted to be.

it could be anytime 

i wanted it to be!

As it were...

i was young and foolish

full of reckless hope!

bubbling with love,

i wanted to give!

That's when i first saw you.

a perfect aura surrounding you!

intelligent eyes and a serene face.

There was something about you,

that turned my world upside down.

It hurt my eyes just to look.

while my heart stopped pumping,

when i didn't!

A smile broke across both our faces,

as our eyes met!

It took only a second...

for all of it to vanish!

To prove it was 

too god to be true.

I just had to blink!

And once again

I WOKE UP.

To Miss Someone*.....

"Its wise of one to learn and adopt from other people's mistake.

Its a fool who thinks he wont make a mistake."

You know what... the joke's on me. I am that fool!

its 3.30 in the morning.....

i am still awake. 

Before today i never knew what it was to miss someone.

so much so that it physically hurts you.......

Its like a splinter is lodged in my eye, every time i blink it reminds me of what i miss!

Its as if everytime u think of them your heart contracts in your chest, letting you know that something is missing in the cavity!

Its as if you know someone took away a chunk of your soul with them.....

Its as if the infinite uncertainity kills u every second....

and there are so many seconds in infinity!

Its as if there is this ache in your belly that just wouldnt go away....

Its like some one is sitting in your brain waiting to pounce, just as start to forget, it drills with a tiny hammer, with each tap chanting a name!

AND its as if i am crazzy to the core...

I thought when people told me about this that they were exaggerating....literally!

I truely believed that... 

But only after a day my lovely bubble has been burst...

and it pains me so!

 

Time can't heal pain that won't mend
The suffering, the heart ache
It feels like the end
Grasping a hold of a moving change
Trying to pick up pieces to put the puzzle back together
For nothing can last forever
Grudges are held…never letting go
Feelings are hurt…But they wouldn’t listen
But behind every fight there is a reason why
The one you love didn’t make it to your future
And why they didn’t try

I always believed that all this touchy feely emo stuff was crap......

love= pain........frndship=love without pain!

NO NO NO dont tell me i know my maths is in the gutters.....i made the whole equation wrong.

it isnt a silly mistake... may be it was a delibrate one.

now i know that 

if love=pain 

then frndship=love -pain is

invalid... 

well how was i to know that it was real!

all i know is i am in deep

but i know how to swim...n i know i can cross over to the other side!

this stuff is making me crazy...

but i still have some fight left in me, i wont let it control me nor would i let it influence my decisions!

all i  can say is..........

I know your there
but my worlds so bare.
Nothings standing in your way,
I’m hoping you can make it one more day.

Our relationship had grown so strong,
where could we have went so wrong.
You were there when I needed you,
Now I’m here for you to need me too.

My love for you will stay the same,
never will I forget your name.
By my side, you will always stay,
I'll think of you day by day.

oh my god... please save me!

(*=fiction, coz i dont feel these thing......i am a heartless person)

Happiness For Me!

“Happiness is essentially a state,
of going somewhere wholeheartedly and unidirectionaly,
without any regret or reservation .”


We can find a world of miracles in the simplest of things,
Like the wonder and pleasure a sunrise brings,
The ocean’s sound in sea shells,
A rainbow bending in the sky.
The fluttering of a birds wings
when they first begin to fly,
The twinkle of a starry night
as the moon winks off to sleep,
And the cycle of seasons,
That first drop of rain
as it falls on your face,
The shades of color a cloud shows
just before sunset,
Like the joy we feel on being with best of our friends,
Leaves memories that we keep…..

Each moment discover the beauty
In simple pleasures…..
Anticipate the joy they bring!
For they are the little treasures of happiness,
They are the life’s richest things!


This is for my best friend, with whom I cant keep in touch.
Happy birthday to you.

Although I have reservation about everything that I do or don’t (alike)
I usually am happy .

Happiness for me is
The note passed to me during class by friends,
Talking to papa late at night about everything n nothing,
Just sitting with a friend not uttering a word,
Finding my lost old earring ,
Getting an unexpected call,
Finding a letter for me in the post,
A simple walk through the garden…
Finding my favourite lollipop colour,
having someone to share it with.
Fighting with my brother over
trivial matters.
Cycling late at night,
when everyone is asleep.
Planning against one of the them,
with rest of the friends!
Dancing till my feet ache,
with the doors closed.
and the list goes on.......

That’s what makes me happy.
Sometimes I wonder if it wasn’t for the introns, exons wouldn’t be as important as they are!

That Earthly Scent!

Dadi was home, she seldom is. And so it happens its was a brilliant evening.
The sky had a orangish ting to it making everything seem aglow.
Even the wind seemed to love me, it blew through my hair as though caressing me.
We got out of the house n started walking aimlessly. I could never sit still in such a weather ever!
I have never been the one who could live peacefully with concrete everywhere around.
I carve trees,grass,flowers. Otherwise i get sick. Literally.
Even if i have to plant n nurture them i have to have some greenery.
On both side of the road the colony had various evergreen tree's mango jamun neem lotsa neem one house had almond tree too.
It was a bliss walking that day with the leaves rustling n whispering in my ear of the ecstasy to come.

a little of pink hue had started showing in the clouds. we still roamed around talking about everything n nothing.
we tend to do that a lot!
On that note a rather PJ kinda poem!
When the weather's grim,
I'm grim.
When the weather's fine,
I'm fine.
When the weather's cool,
I'm cool.
When the weather's hot,
I'm hot.
When the weather's windy. ...
Pardon me! (pun intended)
Suddenly a shade of gray started appearing and i started soaring coz i knew what that meant.
I started hoping! We took the road back to my house. Just as we were about to reach there, SPLAT! A felt an ice cold glob on my cheek and another on my eyelid!
YIKES this is what I was hoping for.
A little sprinkle of the true elixir of life. Even more than that I waited for that tingle in my nostril…..
That earthly scent, I live all the year round for. Hmmmmm pure unadulterated ecstasy !
Even kanu mota, the cartoon fanatic ,came out for once to the call of nature(pun intended).
As it were i started singing "दिल तेरा दीवाना है सनम…. जानते है हम कुछ ना कहोगे तुम! मोहोबत की कसम मोहोबत की कसम” I don’t know what came over me.
But it just feels like old song at this kinda “MAUSUM”! next one was "रात के हमसफ़र... थक के घर को चले धुन्दती आरही है सुबह प्यार की!
Soon lucky bhaiya joined us, one by one even those people came out whom I had never seen n they were my neighbors. We sang everything from “भीगी भीगी रातो में ऐसी बरसातों में” to “ये रात भीगी भीगी ,ये मस्त फिजायें!उठा धीरे धीरे वो चाँद प्यारा प्यारा”and even "वो लड़की भीगी भागी सी सोती रातों में जगी सी!
10 something odd people sat in my garden singing their hearts out in that glorious weather!
Light! Bright! Boom! Lightening! Another one. I counted 1 2 3 4 5…….29 30 n booooom! Bhadam bang! The sound. The next second everyone started doing that. And grownups giggled like school children.
The only black spot in my otherwise bright canvas of happiness were those light poles n there wires. They blocked my view of the skyline and that star ,I could see only one.
This was my heaven! Nature n people around me!
i sometimes wonder if my next generation would be able to see my heaven. Or they’d be fighting the III WW over water! Hehehe but that’s bordering on prediction!
A friend knowing this fascination of mine gave me a stone slab as a gift. You’ll wonder y would anyone be happy beyond reason on receiving a stone slab for gift!
Well you aren’t me I guess! That stone on being wet with only a few drops of water gives off THAT EARTHLY SCENT! I don’t know how that guy found this stone and from where, but it’s been the best gift of my life!

Reason Enough to Live!

I was ujjain the other day. Went into celebrate my cousin's b'day.
What do you know,i came back a lil wiser!
(FYI i am a half punjabi girl. my pops brahmin. That makes me a hybrid!) So this cousin of mine is a sardar and he's only two years old.
When every kid dropped off exhausted after dancing,a kid can only have so much of excitement.
And after all the fun ended Tesu asked his dad, about the big balloon they had popped which was filled with candy. "जब हम गुब्बारे को आखिर में फोड़ देते हैं तो उसे फूलते ही क्यूँ है?"
To this my samosa (read mousaji) added"बेटा अगर हम उस गुब्बारे को इत्ती महनत से नहीं फूलते और उसमे स्वीट्स नहीं भरते तो उसको फोड़ने में मज्जा नहीं आता!"
That was that n we came home the other day.
What makes this incident any different than any other conversation is that i heard it differently!
As i see it Tesu asked -" why do people stretch their lives so far and with so much hard work put into it, when its gonna pop in the end no matter who you are?"
This got me thinking' each second after we are born, we work our ass off so that we can survive in this big bad world...just to be able to LIVE! Though we know that ultimately each n every one of us ( even to the stinking king of the bacterial colony residing in my brothers toe nail) is gonna perish, die, sleep forever.
Its as if you are compelled to read a book(thriller) whose end you already know!
My Question being isn't it the right of the reader not to read the book, if he doesn't want to?
Shouldn't it be the right of the person living not to live his life to the end that awaits him?
Y wouldn't one want to die as soon as they are born when they know they'll eventually die.

This reminds me of another Q, a dialog from some movie which i don't remember now.
God himself walks in a guy's home and says i like your life better than mine!(read obviously want to
live it too).
Well what the hell do you think are the guy's option!

When you learn the truth about life, its as if you are a changed person altogether.
Your priorities change, your mindset changes. The aim and goal of your life would never be the same again.
Its a hard thing to know, and only a few do! That's why it becomes such a big responsibility that you treat this truth well. Because "The truth is a beautiful and terrible thing! and should therefore be treated with great caution!"
When i learned this what i felt, was thus written.

The crying heart
It bleed
When it bleed, it felt as if it were crying.

Every beat more painful,
because it remembered.
The lost innocence...!
The trampled dreams...!
The unfulfilled desires...!
And the crumpled hope...!

But most of all it cried,
for the soul that had died!

My being a lil' wiser is due to my samosa's answer to Tesu.
what i heard was" even if you knew the ending, you should still read the book! Maybe you'll find the book is interesting,more so, when you know the ending. The people you encounter in the story seem different, the incidents feel different."
All in all its good to know the truth!

But still ultimately whose the big joke on?
Us or HIM?

The Zebra Stripes!

Let me introduce you to two characters!
FIRST- a guy, almost 90 -100 kgs today! has one of the best PR i've ever know.
SECOND- his friend! no guessing what he is like!
ACT I
First passing through his friends home see's Second's hand tied on the window pane!
Second is in quite an agony and embarassingly has only a shirt on!
On sighting first.....
S:भाग! चल भाग रे ! इक्कले यां से ! मरने की इच्छा है क्या रे तेरको! जल्दी निकल यहाँ से!वो आजायेगा ,तो तेरको भी खडा कर देगा!
F: ओय क्या हुआ बे?
कौन रे? किया किसने ये?
S:अरे मेरा बाप पगला गया है तू बस जा यहाँ से !
ACT II
First comes back after an hour or so.
F:यार बता तो सही हुआ क्या!
शांति से बैठ जा और बता मुझे.
S:यार तरेको तो मालूम ही है अपन वो रामबाघ पर पान वाले क पास जाते हैं.
आज साला *&%$#@!#$% दुकान नहीं खोला. मेने बाजु वाले की दुकान से दो क्लासिक लिए और चल दिया.बापू जब शाम को घर आये तो बस हाथ बाँध के चालू हो गए पीटना.पूछने पर पता चला के वो जब सुट्टा लेने गए तो एक पैकेट के लिए २० रुपये दिए.पान वाले ने तो पुरे २० के २० ही रख लिए. बाकि के ६ मांगने पे साला बोलता है "अपने लाडले की ऐयाशी के नहीं दोगे? "
F: फिर क्या? तू अभी तक खडा है बैठ तो जा!
S:अरे में बैठ ही नहीं सकता यार. हालत ही नहीं है. पिताजी ने बेल्ट से जो मारा है. मेरा पिछवाडा जेब्रा की धारियों जैसा बना दिया है!
S:वो तो में भूल गया था के पास वाली दुकान पे बापू जाता है. दोनों दुकान हमने बाँट राखी है ना.
The end.
To authenticate this incident i asked Second why according to him is the reason his dad spanked him. was it the sutta?
what he told me was "सुट्टा तो वो भी लेते थे!
उधारी वो भी उनकी पान की दुकान पे उनको नहीं चलता था!"

Both these guys today are at quiet a good positions in their life.
This incident happened almost 12- 15 years back.
As a little laugh First told it today to us.
The way he enacted it and his accent was what made us laugh our hearts out,with a stitch in a stomach's.
The day it happened was holi!!
Second still finds it hard to smoke any where near his dad's paan shop.

well happy holi to all of you.

Fear,Courage & The Unknown!

"Courage is not the absence of fear.
It is the knowledge that something other than your fear is more important!"

The poem below is one which I wrote on an epic journey in my life time!
i had the privilege of being a yatri on the TATA Jagriti Yatra-http://www.jagritiyatra.com/(December 24th 2008 - January 11th, 2009) was an annual train journey that took 350 of India's highly motivated youth (with some participation of international students) between the ages of 18-25 on a eighteen day national odyssey, introducing us to unsung heroes of India. The aim was to awaken the spirit of entrepreneurship - both social and economic - within India's youth by exposing them to individuals and institutions that are developing unique solutions to India's challenges.
For me this was some thing that changed the path of my life!
Lets say.. Brought me to the Right one!
Here goes nothing!
TO FEAR, COURAGE & THE UNKNOWN!
This would be I guess 4th January ‘09. We were on buses going to Berhampur , a place in the interiors of Orissa.
As we passed this river, I guess it was one, I wrote it down!

A surface clear as glass
as transparent as water, reflecting light.

A dove roamed above
With the sun behind.
I marveled its white purity!

For a second I missed it!
Soft, Beckoning, Alluring.
The sleathiness of the whole...
Pure seductiveness of
The DARK SHADOW!

I try to move away..
But its holding me fascinated!
Calling me into its depth.....

I CAN'T!!!
My feet are set in stone.
'cause I've always feared the unknown!


Most people fear the things that they cant understand or don’t know!
well I am a human too!
The unknown here is LOVE
I’ve always feared it, just b'cause I don’t understand it!
Its beyond anyone's control....
Above any rule....
Below every sense!
But it’s what drives this world around!

STATUTORY WARNING- don’t even try to copy my verse's or I’ll sue your ass off!!!