Ashes to Ashes

you are gone

i don't believe in heaven

its as if your spark was snuffed out

you don't exist in any corner of this

universe or another dimension

I cant even see you when i die

the moon has lost its brightness

i cant share new song with you no more

and once in a while some article i think you'd find funny

dancing is not the same anymore

my inheritance  has no heir

my genome has no identical

the house is a festering prison

you are gone and the days seem point less

in the nights I watch videos about happy moments

when i had all the time alone with you

you are gone and the world has lost its meaning

i cant imagine a future without you there

without your love i have no cornerstone left

and though the world keeps on revolving

I have no axis to revolve around anymore

sometimes I say your name in litany as if mere repetition might have the power to

resurrect you from the dead. what no one tells you is that when someone you love dies

you lose them twice , once to death, the second time to acceptance, and you don't take that long dark passage alone.  Grief takes every shuffling, unwilling step with you, like walking on cut glass, offering a seductive bouquet of memories that can only blossom south of sanity. I can not be mad at you, rant and curse  because you ceased to exist anymore.

I can stay here in perpetual grief, nose buried in the petals of past, where present is a blur, when time and the world try to drag me into the future kicking and screaming. But you'll never come crush me in your arms again, or annoy me bug-fuck out of my mind.

Spend enough time with ghosts, you become one, sometimes I think I've already started becoming invisible without you there to anchor me. I haven't cried, I don't know if or when I will.

Although when I finally do in some distant future I cannot imagine, I'll drown alive.