I was born on 13th September 1989
It has been twenty years that I have been alive…. Although I’ve got nothing special to show for it.
I have lived 20 times that this earth revolved around the sun, since that fateful morning.
I don’t know what throw of dice put my soul into that girls body.
But today I feel like that the girl is me and that I am the girl.
People in the family named me after an ancient philosopher who questioned everything around her, even the origin of things!
Was it meant to be that I was to be named gargi or ami curious as to the purpose of life just because I was named gargi?
Would my whole life be completely different if I was named something other than gargi…. Like what would I be like if I had been named…umm let me think….. aatrika? Or something like that.
Why was I born on 13th sep why not 20th feb?
Why was born my fathers daughter not someone else’s?
Why wasn’t I given a choice when and where I wanted to be born?
Why wasn’t I allowed to choose what my life could have been like?
Why hadn’t someone told me that there’s a catch to this life…. A big catch like dieing?
each second after we are born, we work our ass off so that we can survive in this big bad world...just to be able to LIVE! Though we know that ultimately each n every one of us ( even to the stinking king of the bacterial colony residing in my brothers toe nail) is gonna perish, die, sleep forever.
Its as if you are compelled to read a book(thriller) whose end you already know!
My Question being isn't it the right of the reader not to read the book, if he doesn't want to?
Shouldn't it be the right of the person living not to live his life to the end that awaits him?
Y wouldn't one want to die as soon as they are born when they know they'll eventually die.
What if I hadn’t wanted to be born?
If it’s supposed to be me born on 13th sep 89 at 10.37 am…… if its all written out.
Whats the point of me living it… why don’t they (who ever they are!) tell me the epilogue to my story !
But what if its not, so in that case why was I born?
Whats the purpose of my life?
I must have been brought into existence for some purpose, to do a particular work!
How do I know what I was born to do? What if I don’t know and I am not able to knit my part of thread into the tapestry of life?
What if all this is great joke some super advanced genetic engineer played on me?
He could have made me as an experiment…. And fed a software into my brain about this universe? People all around me could be just figment of my imagination.
He could make me a clone and I wouldn’t even know the difference between us.
Is she me or am I her?
Who is who?
Do I have the soul or does she?
Does a thing called soul even exist? Where does it come from?
Did the engineer randomly flip through his available stock and fit me with one or is it nothing remotely like that?
Is the script of my life already written… if so who’s the director?
Or do I write it?
If I am to write it why do write it?
What is the purpose of me being alive?
What’s alive anyway? Who defines life and being alive?
If you asked me I’d tell you I am alive I breath, a perform a purpose, I ensure that a part of me still lives in the form of a child when I am no longer alive.
If you asked a rock the same question he’d tell you that he was alive too!
He is born from a larger rock, he does his function for a period of time, then he no longer is a rock. It gives birth to the soil!
If the rock is alive then aren’t I alive?
What does death mean anyway?... that you completed a life cycle?
…. That you aren’t alive anymore?
So what do you call a virus? Its never always alive never always dead.
Its none. Its both.
Well who do you think believes the truth, or they both do?
What if none of us knows the truth?
When you learn the truth about life, its as if you are a changed person altogether.
Your priorities change, your mindset changes. The aim and goal of your life would never be the same again.
Its a hard thing to know, and only a few do! That's why it becomes such a big responsibility that you treat this truth well. Because "The truth is a beautiful and terrible thing! and should therefore be treated with great caution!"When i learned this what i felt, was thus written.
As I stop writing this the question that remain in my mind is this.
What am I finally?
No one?
Anyone?
Someone?
Which one?
Who am I?
- Gargi
