untitled

its been too long
now that i've penned down somthing i dont know y i waited this long
its just too bad that i can only write in times of great emotion out bursts

it had been a wierd day..... by the night came i was out of sort

so i played a couple of favourite song that i cry to

and here i am.... i know this one sucks but atleast its a start.

There was a balmy breeze flowing through my feet silky white camisole fluttered in tune with my hair

i bent and tried to look below me
the lights were blurry winking in and out of site
like huge balls of golden explosions
the vertigo should have sent my stomach into frenzy
instead my fingers were wet from all the tears
running down my cheeks
i imagined all the forever’s we would have had
and all the could have been’s
but no one asked me to wait
another gut wrenching sob escaped my lips
i stared straight ahead above the city lights
beyond the thinkable limit
to the indistinguishable horizon
and saw a soothing sea of empty blackness
the pressure lifted off
tears dried and my heart slowed to a stop
in great expectation I took a step forward
turned back to look at the bleeding sky
i closed my eyes as the air rushed by me
just before the night swallowed me whole

i felt immensely relieved.

under the stars

above the city

across a bridge
on the sea shore
there we sat under the stars
on the hood of your red comet
your hand around my shoulder
our legs entwined like tree limbs
i listened to your heart
beat in rhythm with the crashing waves
while you played with my hair
with the oppressive black sky
and deafening silence as company
never once we thought to think
of a place we'd rather be
with love in both or eyes
wearing rose tinted glasses
we thought this was for forever
after we sat under the stars for hours
with the receding tide the sun rose up
wind blowing through our hair
orange and pinks reflecting
our matching colored glasses
we left the sea shore
in your red comet
across a bridge
above a city

one rainy night

if you look close enough to the world around you.
you might find someone like you
someone trying to find their way
someone trying to find their self
sometimes it seems like you are the only one in the world
who's struggling, who's frustrated,
unsatisfied, barely getting by.
but that feeling's a lie
and if u just hold on.
just find the courage to face it all for another day
someone or something will find you
and make it all okay
because we all need a little help sometimes
we need someone to remind us
that it wont always be this way
that someone is out there
and that someone will find you.
when you did find me. i bailed on you
when i ahd waited my whole life for you to find me
through the dark times but mostly during the happy times
i waited for you to hold my hand
but when u did find me.
 when i had stoped believing in the concept of you
it was too much for me to handle
i didnt know what to do with you
i've always feared the unknown
and you were one unpredictable variable
its raining today and the sky is red
i am scared
i am scared of whats to come
i am scared of what has been
but most of all
i am scared of what i am
i am scared of the power you have over me
i bail out when the going gets tough
i dont know the reason
may be i do know the reason
but that doesnt matter
even you being in the same city
makes me happy
but i am scared of talking to you
i just wish you could read my mind
their is a pang in my stomach
then my htroat constricts
my nose tingles and my eye's mist up
never once a tear falls
i take deep breaths
sky is red this night
when the day had been gray
rain pouring down hard
wilting the white petals closed
i am scared
will the sun still come up tommorow

Anchor ; maa this ones for you!

my fingers shook
from the cold
or my feelings
i don't know

i sat on the steps
of the ancient ruin
and thought of the
where i had reached

as the wind blew
i felt my self drifting
off from the reality
of this life

i sailed by like a
deserted ship does
without destination
and its crew

my anchor missing
in the haste the crew left
i was left all alone on the deck
travelling to oblivion

then i remembered
this one face in many
that was ever present
in my ruin of a life

with tear filled eyes
i thought of all the times
i never thought of her
as the true anchor

i came back to reality
on the steps of a
cozy home and
fresh backed pie

with my arms loaded
with flowers and
eyes filled with love
for her. my Anchor

Odd Times

I think of him at odd times….

Then wonder if he does too!

When lyrics of a song reaches my ear

I wonder if he remembers my voice!

When a guy passes by eyeing me

I wonder if he remembers what I looked like!

When on a starry night at the terrace

I wonder if he ever wishes me goodnight.

When it rains and I walk through the streets

I wonder if he’d ever think of holding my hand like now.

When I spend a sleepless night staring at nothing

I wonder if he ever does too

When for a second if I ever mistake someone for him

I wonder if he ever confuses me with anyone else

When I sit at dawn contemplating if we have a future

I wonder if he even wants one.

When I am with a circle of friends

I wonder if he ever misses me in his.

When I see a full moon in the sky

I wonder if he thinks that we both do at the same time.

When his laugh gets stuck in my head sometimes

I wonder if I get stuck in his head too

When I look at our old photographs

I wonder if he also goes through’em sometimes.

When I cry and curse him

I wonder if he still gets angry at me

When I get a split second glimpse in the mirror

I wonder if he’ll ever see me in his

When I close my eyes and see his staring at me

I wonder if he remember the colour of my eyes

When I laugh out with joy

I wonder if only he could see me.

When I whisper in the wind “ I LOVE YOU!”

I wonder if he ever replies.

When I shout out “ you are the one!”

I wonder if he ever shouts back.

When I think of him at odd times

I wonder if he realises, he left me for someone else!

heart in hand

Distressed I searched every

Nook and cranny,

Couldn’t I find

It anywhere.

Hello? Please will you

Help me find it?

He asked me

What should I look for?

I replied its small and soft

Warm and wet with blood

It beats with my life

Its my heart!

I asked him again

Please will you help

Me find my heart

I think I just lost it!

He questioned

Could someone have

Stolen it?

Absurd as that question was.

My heart was guarded

Too fiercely to steal

I must have lost it

On my way to the future.

Seeing my distress

He searched every

Nook and cranny

Couldnt he find it anywhere!

Each time I met him

On my way to the future

I hopefully asked him

To look for my lost heart

On fine day , he joined

Me on my way to the future

With a charred and blackened

Blood dried and cold

Still piece of heart

With barely a pulse of life

In his hand!

And in a bewildered voice

He asked me….

Why didn’t you tell

Me where it was?

I didn’t think of looking

For it in my hand

Never thought that

You’ll lose it to me!

And with the last beat

Of my heart I said

It was for you to find out

Even I didn’t know

I’d lost my heart to you!

untitled

the day is upon me, the day when its do or die. well atleast get admission in the university or not.

the day that will decide the course of my life. where i live with whom i live and what not.

I am scared! terrifyingly so.

i've got butterfly's in my stomach and acid burn too.

how am i going to sleep.

i cant talk to anyone. because i dont talk to anyone.

i've cut out myself from everyone :(

sometimes i think i care too much.

whom can i tell that i am scared?

my dad? he'll just tell me its natural to feel so.

my mom? she'll just start worrying and grilling me questions. on top of that she'll fuss.

my brother? he wont understand y i am scared in the first place.

i havent cried in a while, i feel all the emotion that i keep buried rise up. it'll gush out at a completely unexpected time . i want to cry now....

what i need is some one who'll listen to me when i tell them i am SCARED. then let me sit in there lap and cry my heart out.someone who'll sooth me. someone who'll rock me to sleep.

what will happen is, i get up go do some work not talk to neone. do some more worrying , not talk to neone. thats how is always goes. i not talk to neone.

i have these whole conversation in my head but cant speak a single word to people i wanna have a conversation with.

so let me go not talk to neone. and not talk to neone!