Wednesday, February 24, 2010


“ The first time he saw her, she lay sprawled on the floor, unconscious. Due to colic or food poisoning I don’t remember now but no one seemed to be doing anything. They had to take her to 3rd floor without a lift.
He did the first thing that came to his mind. Carried her upstairs, in spite of her gawking teachers!
That’s was when they both attended a youth hostel camp in Porbandar”
He’d sit by her side till she got better. They didn’t talk. He sat reading books. She talked away through her time with friends.
Then like a real polite lady, told him to visit her if ever he was in her city…..
and then forgot about him.

Some time in the same year she came home to find her frantic sister raving about some druggie barraging in their home. Her sister had opened the door to find a real scruffy looking bloke asking for her!

She found him sitting on the steps to the terrace, smoking away a cigarette.
Curly hair, big specks, faded jeans, frayed shirt and all.

And then she never forgot him!”

He went home. They each wrote the other letters. Lots and lots of letters.
She’s paint him pictures and he’d draw her pictures.

There was one time when neither her mother nor her sister could wake him up, he slept 36 hours non stop. They thought he had died. Both were gonna call the police. But all he said when he woke up was- “ I slept late because I was reading a book!”

He got admission in Saurashtra University for his PG to be near her.
She left her job to go live with him.

She thought was a south Indian because of his dark looks n tendency to write a single initial as surname, until he took her to meet his mother.

Nanuji says one day he even brought my dad a ticket home and told him to go.
Now if you ask him my dad says “ I must have been insane when I didn’t take that ticket!”
My mom always replies-“ I could give you one now!”
He’d just look sheepish and smile.

That’s my pitashri and maa for you in short.
This is for them and all the good times they gave us. And all the good time they had before us :p
Happy 22nd anniversary to both of you.

May I be as lucky as you guy’s.



with all my love even if seem an ungrateful child sometime.
where seem and sometime are the key words!

the door


"i left her door and thought as though
she would call me back, not let me go;
my heavy steps so paced as though
she would call me back not let me go;
the wind so billowed through as though
she would hold my garb, not let me go;

She neither stopped, nor wished i stay;
nor gave a call, nor held my way;
nor clenched my garb, nor had any say;
i kept on faring slowly forward
till i separated from her...."

yeah thats how i felt when he wouldn't give me a reasonable answer!

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Belonging



17th feb
6.30

the day i realized that i most probably never will....

"I woke up to find my self
Sprawled on the wet grass
Facing the bright blue
Beauteous sky,
Without a cloud marring
Its pristine surface
A bird chirped near by
Bee’s hummed and red hued
Leaves floated above my head
It was picture perfect.

I’d always known that the
World revolved on the correct axis
As it was supposed to be!
But was I supposed to be
As I was?
I am always to be
A big bad black hole?
Always wanting to be filled
But never satisfied?
Was I supposed to always absorb
Everything that came my way
Even if it harmed me?
Was I supposed to always absorb
Without wanting ever to be
Able to fill something?
Wasn’t I supposed to
Belong somewhere?
Someplace?
To someone?
Was the world always
Going to go by me
Never touching me?
Was it right that I be black
And the world a bright colour?
I stopped short my musing’s
As a bee stung me.

AND

I woke up to find my self
Sprawled on the wet grass
Facing the bright blue
Beauteous sky,
Without a cloud marring
Its pristine surface
A bird chirped near by
Bee’s hummed and red hued
Leaves floated above my head
It was still picture perfect."

Sunday, February 14, 2010

Salt in the tears.




29th jan
11:58 pm

she stood poised like
a porcelain statue
even the dark clouds
gathered to rage
as if somehow
conducting her emotions
the wind tore through the place
cold fingers slapping away
just as she started
to open her mouth
the dog at her feet wailed
a mournful sound
her dark eyes swam
in a pool full of tears,
blinding her for
few precious seconds.
as her long lash's
swept down
a fat droplet fell
on her cheek
thinking it was
starting to rain
her hand moved
to flick it away
maybe it was the
glint of light
maybe it was a memory
that made her stop and reconsider.
she faltered
licked her dry lips
brought her tongue out
and tasted the salt
clinging on her fingertips.
she remembered his voice
"when someone tears ur heart out,
they put tears in ur eye's instead!"
how the salt in her tears mocked him.
noone saw her sad smile
noone saw her sob out
noone saw her pain
just as no one saw
the light that followed her
still she stood poised
like a porcelain statue
about to shatter
above her beloved's grave.


FEAR

26th jan
10:50 pm

Most people fear
One thing or another
Most are scared of
Either dark or darker
Some even are
Afraid of water
How that can be
As it is light too.
You are born in it
(Although) you can die it too
It can be as placid as a calm lake
Or it can be the raging sea
Almost all are afraid
Of frightening things
Height, depth
Insects, speed!
But some love what
Most live in fear of.
And are scared out of
Their wits of “ normal” things!
Living, caring
Loving, life!
They are afraid
Of forging bonds
Some fear their
Own homes.
Some even live
Fearing themselves.
Most are scared that they
don’t have a mind.
Some are scared
of their own mind
Most fear that
Adrenalin jolt
Some live only
For that rush
Most are in
Quest of love
Some run
Away from it
I love the light, But
I chose to live in dark.
Always thought
I belonged there.
what does that
tell about me?
Am I like the psychopath
That calls it self God?

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

untitled


I was born on 13th September 1989

It has been twenty years that I have been alive…. Although I’ve got nothing special to show for it.

I have lived 20 times that this earth revolved around the sun, since that fateful morning.

I don’t know what throw of dice put my soul into that girls body.

But today I feel like that the girl is me and that I am the girl.

People in the family named me after an ancient philosopher who questioned everything around her, even the origin of things!

Was it meant to be that I was to be named gargi or ami curious as to the purpose of life just because I was named gargi?

Would my whole life be completely different if I was named something other than gargi…. Like what would I be like if I had been named…umm let me think….. aatrika? Or something like that.

Why was I born on 13th sep why not 20th feb?

Why was born my fathers daughter not someone else’s?

Why wasn’t I given a choice when and where I wanted to be born?

Why wasn’t I allowed to choose what my life could have been like?

Why hadn’t someone told me that there’s a catch to this life…. A big catch like dieing?

each second after we are born, we work our ass off so that we can survive in this big bad world...just to be able to LIVE! Though we know that ultimately each n every one of us ( even to the stinking king of the bacterial colony residing in my brothers toe nail) is gonna perish, die, sleep forever.
Its as if you are compelled to read a book(thriller) whose end you already know!
My Question being isn't it the right of the reader not to read the book, if he doesn't want to?
Shouldn't it be the right of the person living not to live his life to the end that awaits him?
Y wouldn't one want to die as soon as they are born when they know they'll eventually die.

What if I hadn’t wanted to be born?

If it’s supposed to be me born on 13th sep 89 at 10.37 am…… if its all written out.

Whats the point of me living it… why don’t they (who ever they are!) tell me the epilogue to my story !

But what if its not, so in that case why was I born?

Whats the purpose of my life?

I must have been brought into existence for some purpose, to do a particular work!

How do I know what I was born to do? What if I don’t know and I am not able to knit my part of thread into the tapestry of life?

What if all this is great joke some super advanced genetic engineer played on me?

He could have made me as an experiment…. And fed a software into my brain about this universe? People all around me could be just figment of my imagination.

He could make me a clone and I wouldn’t even know the difference between us.

Is she me or am I her?

Who is who?

Do I have the soul or does she?

Does a thing called soul even exist? Where does it come from?

Did the engineer randomly flip through his available stock and fit me with one or is it nothing remotely like that?

Is the script of my life already written… if so who’s the director?

Or do I write it?

If I am to write it why do write it?

What is the purpose of me being alive?

What’s alive anyway? Who defines life and being alive?

If you asked me I’d tell you I am alive I breath, a perform a purpose, I ensure that a part of me still lives in the form of a child when I am no longer alive.

If you asked a rock the same question he’d tell you that he was alive too!

He is born from a larger rock, he does his function for a period of time, then he no longer is a rock. It gives birth to the soil!

If the rock is alive then aren’t I alive?

What does death mean anyway?... that you completed a life cycle?

…. That you aren’t alive anymore?

So what do you call a virus? Its never always alive never always dead.

Its none. Its both.

Well who do you think believes the truth, or they both do?

What if none of us knows the truth?

When you learn the truth about life, its as if you are a changed person altogether.

Your priorities change, your mindset changes. The aim and goal of your life would never be the same again.

Its a hard thing to know, and only a few do! That's why it becomes such a big responsibility that you treat this truth well. Because "The truth is a beautiful and terrible thing! and should therefore be treated with great caution!"When i learned this what i felt, was thus written.

As I stop writing this the question that remain in my mind is this.

What am I finally?

No one?

Anyone?

Someone?

Which one?

Who am I?


- Gargi

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Episodes in my life part I

well to start this off all i can say the most fascinating person i find in this whole world is ME!


if u think thats a bit self-centered... then u dont know me!

i am NOT a bit self-centered i am wholly self-centered.


what i suffer from is called Narcissistic personality disorder!

well not really
its what i think... but no one else... hahaha!

so this series is about me...
what i like
what i love
what i think
what i dont like
what i hate
what i was like
what i was never like!

in short me me me mee & more me!


today i was reminded a COOL incident.... when i was 8 n half months old i spoke my first word!..

just like in the Ad where the kid says Czechoslovakia!..

Dad had just told maa its raining...

and i said " PAPA BARISH(rain)!!!

and i so do love when it rains. all good things happen when it rains! well it does make me i little LUNATIC though.

just like a full moon does.