To My Lost Friend!

" I've never felt the

pain of lost love,

It cant be any greater

than what I am feeling now!

I know I was wrong (too)

but it feels like I was the only one wronged,

what can I do?

I still feel that way!

I am happy that we would drift apart this way,

rather than saying things to each other

that I know will hurt each of us the most,

I believe,its better this way!

You may call me a coward

but whatever I feel for you rite now,

I wont let it taint the way

I still feel for you in a corner of my heart!

(and would feel forever)

I still wanna remember you as the person

without whom I couldn't exist!

I know that I could've forgiven you

But how many times can I forgive n forget!,

I find that really difficult

when i am right !

THEN, I could kill anyone in their sleep,

if they made you unhappy.

But what do I do now,

If that anyone is ME?

I love you still

that's why it hurts so much!

I don't wanna become some1,

who's happy in your misery!

Ultimately its better this way all around

you being my best friend,

rather than me being

your brand new enemy!"

Why does it feel like someone is ripping your heart out.......

When its the one you love the most, hurts you!

Why do there have to be so many complication's in friendship???

When we have grown up?

Why do the dynamics of freinship change so frequently?

May be I am the world's biggest sadist.

I love misery, be it someone else's or mine!

May be I am the most convoluted person,

May be I'll rot in hell!

Consequences Of Falling...

"Are you breathing
What I’m breathing
Are your wishes
The same as mine

Fire you needing
What I’m needing
I’m waiting for a sign….

My hands tremble
My heart aches
Is it you calling
If I’m alone in this
I don’t think I can face
the consequences of falling…….

Are you thinking
What I’m thinking
Does your pulse
Quicken like mine

Are you dreaming
What I’m dreaming
I can’t read your mind
One step towards you
Two steps back
Feels like I’m crawling

If I’m alone in this
I don’t think I can face
The consequences of falling! "

This coming from a love-o-phobic...is a bit to much!

But i assure you that it isn't my sentiments on line here, but one of my friend's .

She say she is irrevocably in love ( 10th time since I've known her) making my belief stronger that love is the world biggest fraud! This poem is also for the other person whom she loves, does he love her in return. Love isn't reciprocated always.What do you you in that case? How do you cope?

I know she has the answer, obviously, she's gone through this 9 time's! lets see what she comes up with this time......

Till then..

Over The Rainbow!

About 4 daz back.......i got up real early, after the holidays, for a change!

It was 5.30 when i woke up....that too in a blink..mostly i dont.

so here i was with no sleep, and plenty of tym before everyone got up.

I decided to take my sketch book and sit out in the garden.

I swear it was a beautiful morning... orange hue in the sky birds on the wire.

so many pigeon's...a couple of parrots.

and to boot a soft drizzle!

I was in paradise....

But even paradise has some sad things....

I saw on the grass an egg, smaller than half my thumb.

pure white from where i was sitting.

but as went to take a closer look.....i saw a crack......a streak of blood......

and to put salt to the injury lottsa antz....feeding on it!

This bought so many things to my mind...

I just felt like writing something!

Because it felt like something more important then the egg was crushed!

"Somewhere over the rainbow way up high
There's a land that I heard of once in a lullaby
Somewhere over the rainbow skies are blue
And the dreams that you dare to dream really do come true

Someday I wish upon a star
And wake up where the clouds are far behind me
Where troubles smelled like lemon drops
Way above the chimney tops
That's where you'll find me

Somewhere over the rainbow blue birds fly
Birds fly over the rainbow
Why then, oh why can't I

If happy little blue birds fly beyond the rainbow
Why, oh why can't I"

Sad to say but many things in life come to an end like this,

but you cant do anything about'em.

A Pact Forged!

I present to you an ode to unfound love.

"Once upon a time

there was a soul

now this soul

very much had its own mind.

It so happened that consequently,

the soul had to live inside a being.

what the soul didn't know was,

the being was just as strong willed and stubborn as it!

each of their decision clashed with the others.

so they couldn't help but like each other.

after years of living like this

they came to an understanding,

a deal was made

a pact was forged

they each would wield their will

just not when it hurt the other!

in spring that year

as was the rite in that world....

the being needed to choose a mate.

alas the soul had other ideas!

each one liked different person

neither could stand the other's choice

years came and nothing happened,

they couldn't reach a compromise.

tired of the dilemma

they found that there

love for each other

was for keeps!

They'd live contentedly..

with the other

untill they found the ONE

both could live with.! "

and when it happen's how we learn to live with ourself's..!

Passing Through....

"Time has come, what's done is done
It's time to move on
To another place, another space,
maybe circling some other sun
Don't ask why, don't ask how
I still can't explain
To say goodbye, goodbye for now till I see you again

In the sunlight that's where I'll be
In the moon night close your eyes, you will see me
In the sunrise in the twilight
I'll be the morning and the evening star
I will be there with you wherever you are

Life is strange, such joy and pain
The betrayal and the kiss
It maybe meant to be, maybe destiny
Leads us down a path like this
Child is born, true love is sworn
All the in-between
Well you walk on, walk on until the path is gone
Learning love is the only everything

So it's goodnight, things go wrong
but it's alright
We're all just passin' through here
At the speed of light "

well when they said " people change" I didnt know that they do it this fast........

I didnt knew that I would !

Or that relationships around me would....

friends and best friends,,,

brothers and sisters....

sometimes its for good and others not!

but in all that its I that remain constant...

thats what hurts the most,

knowing , some how , after all this its you and you alone

that you have to live with!

YOU CANT CALL ANYONE YOUR OWN!

Before He Grew Up!

Kanu this is for you.......

Yesterday I reached my tuition early, almost by an hour!

so in compensation i decided to take a nap..

Just as i was on brink of falling asleep, I suddenly and very clearly remembered what it was like when he was young!

I could visualise him exactly as if he was standing there.... and I could even smell him.

That's when I wrote what I was thinking.

" I had always wanted a sister, when asked my opinion.

as was completely natural ( i already had 5 cousin brothers).

But the day he came into being ,

wanting a sister didn't matter anymore.

As I remember, the first time I saw him...

I didn't think of even looking anywhere else !

his eye's were like glazed caramel...

and lips red as strawberries...

OH MY! that skin was as smooth as satin & white as milk...

I could have gulped him there and then!

When he smiled the whole room lit up,

and you couldn't help but smile in return.

I specially remember loving his hands,

all soft and slippery when i washed them.

I loved his smell,

a hint of baby powder and a lotta him!

When ever he kissed me, ( i usually had to beg a lot)

there was never a sweeter kiss than that!

His curly hair, just like maggi!

His antiques , befitting a Rajawat!

I'd say " bachha plz say DeeDee!"

He'd say" Bhow Bhow!"

His " aaj mein puppy hun" and lickin' everyone's feet crawling on all fours!

His "aaj mein baby hun" and then proceeding to act like one!

Well that was a long time ago

and now we fight like Cats n Dogs everyday!

(I don't know if I am the cat or the dog!)

I just wish that

(if knew what i now know)

i could've had a little more time ...

with the innocent little boy that he was

completely adorable.

I would've treasured it more!

I still love him

just not like

BEFORE HE GREW UP!"

There are innumerable thing about him that i wish hadn't changed as he grew up.

but everyone knows nobody remains the same!

It was nice growing up with someone like you - someone to lean on, someone to count on... someone to tell on!

with lottsa love

(een if generaly it doesn't feel like it)

BHOW BHOW!

My Weird Dream.

I dreamt!

as i once used to dream.....

when that shiny orb hung in the air,

and the wind clung to me,

the jasmine's lent a sweet fragrance to it!

I could be anywhere 

i wanted to be.

it could be anytime 

i wanted it to be!

As it were...

i was young and foolish

full of reckless hope!

bubbling with love,

i wanted to give!

That's when i first saw you.

a perfect aura surrounding you!

intelligent eyes and a serene face.

There was something about you,

that turned my world upside down.

It hurt my eyes just to look.

while my heart stopped pumping,

when i didn't!

A smile broke across both our faces,

as our eyes met!

It took only a second...

for all of it to vanish!

To prove it was 

too god to be true.

I just had to blink!

And once again

I WOKE UP.